Ugh, all these amateurs doing Major-General’s Song parodies about millennials with inexact rhymes!!! This is how you do it:
MILLENNIAL:
I am the very model of a modern, gay millennial,
I’ve information useless and anxiety perennial,
I’m treated with suspicion when I’m not outright infantilized
And miffed at how the internet is ever more mercantilized.
I fret about the dangers of calamity climatical,
And get my hands on media in manner most piratical,
I’m practiced in the art of homosexual effrontery—
Effrontery, effrontery, let’s see…yes!
And often made ecstatic by an older woman’s cuntery!
CHORUS:
And often made ecstatic by an older woman’s cuntery,
And often made ecstatic by an older woman’s cuntery!
And often made ecstatic by an older woman’s cunter-unter-y!
MILLENNIAL:
Then I can write a catalogue of epithets Homerical,
And have a handsome person get me nakedly hysterical—
I likely won’t survive to see the U.S. tricentennial,
For I’m the very model of a modern, gay millennial!
CHORUS:
There’s very little chance he’ll see the U.S. tricentennial,
The country won’t last long enough, and he’s a gay millennial!